From the seemingly warped minds of GalaxyVerse, comes Epstein, a lacklustre survival adventure game that fails to deliver on all counts. Neither a campaign to spread awareness about the disgusting horrors that took place on the late tycoon’s island or a shameless parody with despicable “humorous” ties, it’s clear that the game’s title is there for little else beyond drawing people in. If disrespect and clickbait weren’t enough to put you off, read on for more before paying the $5.
Delving into the Island of Epstein
Despite the lazy and unimaginative attempt at controversy, I was duty bound to play the game, so that I did and – to be completely honest – I would have had a more interesting couple of hours if I spent it plaiting my nostril hair. There’s simply no substance to Epstein, nothing that drew me in and encouraged me to explore the world and its numerous issues.
The moment the game booted up, I was given a clear insight into what was come. The game’s menu inspired very little hope with a lazy title screen, embellished with a basic and somewhat childlike font. First impressions go far in the wonderful world of gaming and GalaxyVerse fell flat at the first hurdle.
Epstein: A Relentless Testing of Patience
After my eyes had stopped burning from looking at the aforementioned title screen, I hit “start” and was subsequently greeted with a character customization screen that followed the title screen in its abject shoddiness and complete lack of any depth. Being a huge fan of deep character customization (hello, Cyberpunk 2077), I usually spend a little time in the pre-game phase to explore options and create a character that I’m happy to use for the rest of the game. However, the bare-bones approach used in Epstein was enough to put me off even doing this. So, with no changes other than a green hue to my skin, I ventured forth to discover what other abominations the Epstein game would throw my way.
The Sad, Sad World of Epstein Island
Starting the game spawned me into a very basic and barren house that even lacked a staircase. Jumping through a hole in the ground, I was soon met with developer messages scrawled onto the walls – one telling me there were no Pokemon on the island (probably the closest thing to amusing in Epstein) and another apologizing for what I was about to encounter (not the greatest of ways to start a game).
Further exploration led me to my first quest, a task that required me to build a hatchet (how arbitrary). While predictable, this would have been all well and good, if it wasn’t for the complete lack of direction on how to do so. A good portion of my playthrough was trying to work this out and this is why my patience began its even steeper decline.
Epstein: More Bugs than Starship Troopers
If you endure Epstein for long enough to get outside of the house, you will soon give up on realizing just how bugged the game is. The camera often jumped into buildings that I couldn’t even access, I was caught in terrain more times than I could count and some of the enemies I encountered hadn’t yet even been given a walking amination and just sort of floated around the world. Epstein is actually at a point where more things don’t work than do; with those that do being library assets at that.
Epstein: Summary
There really isn’t anything good to say about Epstein (man nor game), as hard as I try. With such a lazy approach, it’s almost an insult to those that are unlucky enough to fall for the clickbait and buy the game.
Epstein is available on Steam now, if you’re looking for a few minutes of disbelief and face-palm-inducing occurrences.
RATING
OUR RATING - 3
3
SCORE
A clickbait game with low, frustrating quality.
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